The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

I went down the street to get a newspaper today and it ate my money.  I was so mad, I had to drive all the way back home (like 6 blocks...I know, so far, right?!?!).  The whole way home I was internally cussing that machine for stealing my dollar and wasting my time.  I got home, grabbed my money and sped back to the paper machine.

When I got there, I noticed a young boy sitting on the bench.  He was visibly upset, but trying to hide it....as boys are.  I asked him if he was okay, and he kept telling me he was fine....but something in me would NOT let it go.  Finally, I threw the paper I got this time into the van and went and sat next to him.  The poor kid started crying and finally admitted to me that he had gotten into a fight with his older brother.  Then he showed me his hand with blood on it, when I asked where it came from...he showed me a small cut on his head.  It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

I asked if his parents were home, and he told me that he was alone with his brother when all this happened but that his Mom would be back in a minute.  He was not able to call his Mom, because his brother was guarding the phone.  I asked where she was, and he said that he did not know.  I asked him if I could call an ambulance for him, but he begged me not to....so instead, I took his mother's number.  And, of all days, I forgot my cell phone at home.  I asked if he wanted to ride with me, but he said he did not feel comfortable doing that...which props to him for being responsible.  He told me he was scared that his Mom would come looking for him and wouldn't find him.

So, against my better judgement, I left him there and sped back home for my cellphone.  I called his Mom, who was out shopping....and gave her a quick version of his story.  She told me she would be there in a moment, so I sped back down to stay with him.  I let him know his Mom was coming and that I would wait with him.  You could see him finally stop shaking, I am sure he was terrified that his brother might come down the street after him....and at least with me there, I had a car for a quick getaway.  His Mom showed up minutes later, apologized to me, and took over caring for her son.  She, you could tell, was headed home to "take care of business".

I am so greatful that the machine did such a nasty thing today.....that or I may not have had the opportunity to help this boy and who knows how long his Mom would have been gone, or if/when his brother would have come looking for him...not to mention the storm that rolled in 10 minutes after I got back home to stay. The Lord works in mysterious ways......we may not always understand what He is doing, but He always has a reason and a plan.  I know I forget that most days, but today was a good reminder.

You Found WHAT?!?!?

As we drove into Shreveport, I prayed...please let this hotel be nice.  As we slowly passed through the town, the area got a little older and less inviting.  When we pulled up to our hotel, I was TERRIFIED.  All the businesses on the street had bars on the windows...even the hotel lobby did!!!  Knowing that with four kids and a dog, getting a hotel room would be a challenge, we had made reservations before leaving Kansas...and I will NEVER do that again!!

I went inside to "check-in", I inquired about where we could park a U-Haul.  The front desk clerk told me that we would have to park it in the front parking lot....the UNMONITORED front parking lot.  We were able to park the van in the gated area, which had security surveillance cameras...but not the U-Haul with all of our worldly possessions in it.

After handing the clerk my credit card, another guest came in and THREW his key card at the employee.  Told him that there was no way that he and his family could stay in this establishment.  The clerk asked the man to be patient and he would be with him in a few moments....but this peaked my curiosity.  After getting my cards, I ran out to the van to pull it into the back lot.  It was easy enough to find the rest of that guests' family, as they did stand out from the normal patrons.

The girls' and I pulled right next to them.  I rolled down the window....at first the wife seemed terrified until she actually saw my face and the girls riding with me.  I asked her if she wouldn't mind telling me why they were leaving...since I am traveling with four young children and all.  She told me that their room was disgusting and when they went to check out the bathroom, there were bullet casings all over the place.  I was in shock....but on the other hand...I also know that most hotels (that are cheap) are not the "cleanest" AND I couldn't fault the bullet casings since we were traveling with personal protection ourselves.  I thanked her for the warning and parked to wait for my husband to get there in the UHaul.

When he finally pulled in, I explained the situation to him and together we went to investigate the room.  The room was musty, the neighbors were partying, and the carpets were NASTY!!!  But after some discussion (and it being 10pm), we decided to brave it out the one night.  We pulled out blankets and clothes so that we could leave our suitcases in the van.  We all slept in our clothes on top of the covers.

About 1am, we woke up to the sound of the doorknob jiggling.  Thank God for Elmo.  Our sweet little docile, gentle Elmo.  He is the PERFECT dog.  He is a cock-a-poo (cocker spaniel and poodle mix), which we had to have due to the allergies of our girls.  The sit on him, they ride him, they pull his hair, they do anything and everything to that dog that would normally cause another dog to bark, growl, or even nip at them.....but NEVER does he.  He lays there and takes it, knowing it is all out of love!!  Within a milli-second of someone's attempt at opening our door, Elmo barked long and loud and ferocious.  The noise stopped, and Elmo laid back down as if nothing had happened.  I knew he was a good dog, but this re-confirmed it!!

The rest of the night was uneventful, although we hardly slept due to the noise from the neighbors and my fear that all my things would be stolen away during the night.  When 5am finally came, we got up and dressed in a hurry to check out and look in on the UHaul.  Much to my surprise and pleasure, the UHaul was fully intact INCLUDING our two bicycles strapped to the back.  But I am not one to push my luck, so we were on the road as soon as possible!!

Florida Bound

It all started three weeks ago.....my husband passed his insurance licensing exam to allow him to work for a company in Florida....that next week, he put in his notice with his company....and so the journey began!!

Everything was falling into place...we rented a house, sold our second vehicle to finance the trip, and so many more things to "perfect" to name it all.  We hurried to pack our house and rent a U-Haul in order to get to Florida and start the newest chapter in the Farmer Family Saga :) circa 07/23/2011.

Well, the trip started off a little hurried....we underestimated the amount of things we had in getting the correct size of a U-Haul.  So, we ended up adding a trailer to our U-Haul and still leaving somethings behind for our in-laws to pick up, moving 6 people halfway across the country is much more daunting than I realized!  We got a semi-decent rest (Midnight to a 5am wake up time), and were off early the next morning.

The trip went relatively well, I was surprised that it was as easy going as it was.  We had a mini-crisis the first day, we realized that we left behind Bella's Bunnies (my two year old LOVES her bunnies....stuffed, not real).  She was so upset, and refused to sleep....so about Oklahoma City, being the good Mom that I am, I pulled into the mall and RAN in to get her a brand new one!!  Within minutes, Bella was sleeping so peacefully!!

The rest of the trip was relatively uneventful...We stopped quite often to allow the girls to take potty breaks, eat, and occasionally, just walk around.  I know, BOOOORRRINGGGG.....no screaming kids, no epic car failures, nothing overly interesting...BUT it was GREAT to be so bland!!  That was....until we made it to the hotel room!!!!

Conquering My Fear

Man, was I shaking by the time 11am rolled around today.  Brenda, my nurse, called to say she was on her way.  The anticipation was grueling, to say the least.  I was flushed and sweaty while I waited for her to arrive.  Once she got here, she had LOTS of information to give me...but to be honest, I am not sure how much I actually retained as I stared at the MULTIPLE syringes in her lap.
Finally, the instructions and the warnings had all been given...and now it was the moment I had been dreading since my diagnosis on 07/14/2011.  "It's time to play," Brenda told me...."Play, really?!?! I can't remember playtime ever being so stressful!!," I thought to myself.  Brenda pulled out the syringes(filled with water...not my $3000.00 per month medication) and used a rubber ball to show me how to give a manual injection and one with my "auto-injector".  I tried to ask questions, tried to keep her talking...not because I HAD questions, but because I HAD to put off the inevitable, even just for a little while!!!
After an hour of constant talking, it was finally time.  I loaded my Copaxone into the auto-injector, laid back and held it to my belly.  I sat there for what seemed like an eternity...my husband staring at me, Brenda trying to be patient, and I was just sitting there as still as can be breathing VERY slow, deep breathes.  I knew there was no way out, this had to be done...if I wanted to stay healthy that is.  So, I went for it.....
Well, I am happy to say....My Mom was RIGHT!!  She told me that the needles were short and thin....and the really were!!  I couldn't even feel the needle, why in the heck was I so scared.....then two seconds later, I had the most intense burning pain throughout my belly.  Seriously, I have a high pain tolerance (not when it comes to needles, but in most cases)...and I was hurting!!!  It took about 2 hours for the pain to subside, and another hour before I felt better mentally.
Brenda warned me that it would burn....but I was thinking epidural burn, not fire burn!!  Oh well, we do what we do to survive and to maintain a good quality of life.  I know I can do this, I know it will be okay....I have so many reasons to do this ONE nasty thing everyday, and I just have to remember that and stay positive!!!

Jumping Forward

My Mom and I went to Kansas City to see a MS specialist.  Sure enough, she listened to my symptoms, looked over my records, and did a few of her own "tests".  Some of the tests she did, made me realized that my body was a little more "off" than I had realized.  All in all, it was what I suspected.  In the end, I walked out with an RX and a diagnosis of MS.  It is scary and sad, but I have hope.  I look at my Mom and I KNOW I can do this and do it with a smile...well, until the nurse gets here tomorrow!!

So, the doctor prescribed me Copaxone.  It is supposed to stop/slow/revers the myelin around my nerves from deteriorating....which is a good thing, right??  Until I was informed that Copaxone is administered through a daily injection that I would have to give myself.  I HATE needles, I tolerate them when someone else is setting up the IV or shooting me up with much needed medications.  But man, oh man, I can NOT imagine doing it myself!!

Seriously, as a child, I went over and above to try and eliminate the ability for a medical professional to touch me with those nasty little suckers!!  I remember one time when I was going into kindergarten, my Mom took me to the doctor for my booster shots.  Well, the doctor was talking to me...hiding the needle, trying to keep eye contact...but the second I felt that little prick, I reached down and ripped that stinking needle out of my butt!! The doctor was in shock, thank goodness that I didn't pull wrong and break it off!!

As I got older, I just got stronger....In Junior High, I had TONS of strep throat.  I had it so often, they did not even bother with the oral meds, instead it was an immediate shot.  It would take 3 nurses (one on each leg and one holding my arm), the doctor (to actually administer the shot), and my step-dad (holding my back down) in order to keep me still enough for them to inject me!!!  It took getting pregnant, for me to suck it up and take it like a "woman"!!!

Anyways, the nurse comes tomorrow to teach me how to give myself an injection properly and I am TERRIFIED, wish me luck...hopefully, this self-injecting pen thing they gave me works magic!!!

A Shock, but Not Surprised

Life was good and relatively healthy (despite a kidney stone....my first, and hopefully, my last)....until June. It was June 8th to be exact, when I realized something was wrong with my eye.  My first reaction was that it was a dirty contact.....but I just could NOT get it clean, no matter how frantically I washed them off!!  So, I decided that it was just lack of sleep (having four kids, no sleep is more common than actual sleeping).  So, come 10 pm,  off to bed I went.  And being the amazing husband he is, Jake allowed me to get a full night of rest.

I woke up the next morning and despite my optimism, my eye was even worse.  There was a dark cloud over the top half of my vision and the rest was blurry.  Now, I am as blind as a bat without my contacts....blurry is a regular occurrence.  It wasn't until I called my Mom that I started to worry.  She was concerned that my retina was detaching and made me promise to get it looked at.  Being the 9th of June (the day before The Salina Riverfest started), I knew I had to get in that day or not at all!!  Luckily, my Mom, being a teacher, offered to watch the girls.

Once I got to the actual optometrist, it was almost two hours of testing and saying my "E, P, D, etc".  Finally, my optometrist decided that he could not offer me and answer and brought in his partner.  By this time I knew something had to be internally wrong if they could not SEE anything wrong.  The partner re-tested me with all the same indications...although I use corrective lenses, I have 100% healthy eyes.

The physician sat down by me, and as sympathetically as possible, he told me that he had one more test.  If I failed this test, he would have to send me to a neurologist.  Well, low and behold, I failed.  He had taken a red cap from a solution bottle, and told me to tell him what color it was.  Of course, I answered red (did after all call it a "red cap test").  He then asked me to cover my right eye (the "sick" eye)...yep, the cap was still red.  So, he had me cover the left eye.....and wow...the cap was NOT red, instead it was a really deep, rich shade of burgundy. What the.....

Well, I failed.  The optometrist came back over to me, and told me that he really felt I would be best served elsewhere.  In his experience, the failure of a red cap test usually indicated "Optic Neuritis" and typically it Optic Neuritis is followed by a diagnosis of ...... "MS" I finished his sentence.

My Mother has MS, Multiple Sclerosis.  In layman's terms, MS is a disease where, put simply, the fatty tissue surrounding the nerves (called myelin) begins to deteriorate...Like the plastic surrounding a wire will wear over time due to weather and age.  MS manifests in so many ways, there is no ONE single standard of symptoms.  Most patients are diagnosed through MRIs which document the amount and placements of white matter lesions and their change over a period of time.

So, my regular family physician (knowing what I went through the previous year and having discussed with her that the previous hospital stay could have been related to MS and possible lesions on the brain), immediately scheduled an MRI for the next week.  Let me tell you, I HATE MRIs.  I am not normally claustrophobic, but that things make me CRAZY!!!  But, knowing it needed to be done....I did it!!

I followed up with my family physician, and she read me the report.  My heart sank, "prominence of demyelinating process now apparent".  She and I both knew what that meant and there was no more to discuss.  The appointment was set with a specialist, all in hopes of being given the positive diagnosis.

I knew right then and there....eventually, my diagnosis would be MS.  I think I always knew I would have it.  I started looking back and reading more into it....I definitely had signs many years ago :( On the other hand, I am scared BUT I am also optimistic.  I have an amazing role model in my Mother.  She has been battling this disease for years, she refuses to let it win and neither will I!!  She is the strongest woman I know.  I am blessed to have her to look to in this time, but also lucky to have husband who is just as supportive and caring.  I am lucky in more ways than I can express.  It SUCKS to know the diagnosis was coming, but I am lucky that despite the bad news....I have a good family to fall back on....My Husband, My Mother, My Sisters, My Brother, and so many other people that I know love me unconditionally!!

My Loving Husband, about 20 yrs ago!!

My side of the family, even Charlotte is hiding away in there :)

It all started with....A Sinus Infection???

Most recently, about 6 months after I had baby number 3, I started getting dizzy.  I did NOT lose my balance and my eyes could focus BUT my brain constantly felt like I was stuck on a roller coaster.  It would get worse when I closed my eyes and laid down....so the experienced party-girl in me(yes, I was a wild child), I would sleep with one foot on the floor!!  Sadly, it helped.  I went to the doctor a few times for it BUT the answer was always the same...Sudafed for a Sinus Infection...then again, I am NOT a "schooled" physician, so who was I to expect anymore??

Time went on, I was popping Sudafed like candy...but, I was still dizzy.  My husband thought MAYBE it was stress....so, he sent me on vacation to Wisconsin.  Yes, ALONE....no children, just me for a whole weekend.  This would have been absolutely amazing IF I were not so dizzy.  In the hotel by the airport, I had an attack so bad that I couldn't get off the floor (my first of this attack that involved an inability to balance myself).  I was able to right myself and the dizziness subsided BUT it was still there and more intense than I had experienced in the months leading up, but I could walk a straight line again.  I am no quitter, so on I went.  I had a good time with my friends and family.  Luckily, the ride home was uneventful....I made it, still dizzy..... until the next day.  

The next morning, I woke up early.  With the help of my husband, we got the family ready and headed down to Salina to my orthodontist appointment.  My dizziness was a little worse that morning BUT I assumed it was due to lack of sleep (went to bed after midnight and back up by 6am).  You know what they say about assumptions.....Anyways, we made it to the orthodontist and my daughter was up first.  I was not feeling so well, but after driving an hour to get there AND my husband having to take the day off to help me with my other appointments.....I was NOT about to reschedule!!  Finally, they called my name...I went back, had a nice little chat with the assistant, and then the world ended, or at the time, I was wishing it had.

The orthodontist's assistant leaned me back in the chair and instead of stopping, my world tumbled around me  and it did not stop.  I ran from the chair like a staggering drunk only to barely make it to the bathroom in time.  I was nauseous and miserable and felt as though nothing could stop it.  Finally, I was able to calm my stomach...just not the intense spinning I felt in my head.  I got up, and tried to hurry as fast as I could back to my husband waiting in the van outside.....all the while ignoring the questions and stares from the staff and other patients (I wondered later how drunk or hung over I looked).  

Once in the car, things did not get any better...but being the stubborn person that I am, I refused to go anywhere that did not involve my previous plans of running errands and taking care of doctor appointments.  So, barely able to move or speak, I forced my husband to take us to the next appointment, the eye doctor for my oldest daughter.  While he was inside, helping her....I was hit with another intense wave of nausea.  I got out of the car and the world fell out from under my feet.  I ended up face down on the ice, unable to move...it was then that I realized that this was not going away on it's own.  Luckily, I had my phone and was able to slowly and shakily remove it from my pocket.  I called my husband to ask for help, one of the hardest things for me to do...ask for help from anyone.

My wonderful, loving husband ran from the office and rushed to help me.  He drove as quickly as he could, while also trying to avoid fast stops, swerves, and bumps.  By the time he got to the hospital, I was unable to even walk or speak without heaving.  He rushed me inside and set me up to be seen.  Unfortunately, having three kids (at the time), he had to leave in order to find someone to care for them.  I am lucky to have a wonderful Mother in Law, who willing left work to come to our aid.  In the meantime, still worried about me, he called my Mom so that I would have someone by my side until he could return.  

During this time, things took a turn for the worse.  I was convulsively dry heaving with no end in sight.  I was scared...I was too young to leave my kids...and they were too young to lose me, but I could not imagine how on earth this was going to end on a good note.  Finally after a couple of hours, the doctors realized that all the anti-nausea meds they were pumping me full of were NOT working.  They did a CAT scan and blood work, but nothing was there and nothing they did was helping.  Fearing that I would suffer a stroke if they did not do something to combat the massive heaves coming from my body.  The doctors FINALLY put me out of my misery and into a medically induced coma.  

The next thing I knew, it was morning again....I was still dizzy, but I had my balance back and my stomach was no longer doing somersaults!!  I was so HAPPY, I could not wait to see my children.  After teaching me a few, anti-dizzy (no, not the medical term, but then again....I am not the doctor) techniques they sent me on my way with a diagnosis of "vertigo", which is a fancy way of saying I was dizzy BUT without any explanation or corrective actions.  

My regular physician set me up with an otolaryngologist (big way of saying Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist....see I do know some medical terms, thank you Aetna).  I went the next week, they tested, and still no answers.  They had no explanation why my ears were itching, and I was dizzy without the typical signs of someone who was dizzy....I was starting to believe I was a hypochondriac and had manifested my own symptoms!!!  

About two weeks, well no, it was exactly ten days after I was released from the hospital...I had a "whoops".  My husband and I believed in family planning, as previously birth control had failed on us.....BUT it only works if you following the schedule.  Well, being in the hospital, I was WAY off my schedule....but this was also the BEST thing that could have happened.  Within one week of conception, I was dizzy-free!!  My little Charlotte cured me....at least for the time being :) until my "hypochondria" would re-emerge!

The Beginning of a Diagnosis

So, not too many people are aware....but about a month ago, I had a scare with my eyes.  I suddenly had cloudy and darkened vision in my right eye only.  I called my Mom to tell her about it, and she set me on the path to get to the doctor!!  I knew it was something more than my eye, which was my reluctance to go see the doctor in the first place.

A little background, I have had lots of little, weird, unexplained episodes throughout my life.  I hated going to the doctor because so often I heard "I don't see anything", "Are You Sure", "It's a Sinus Infection" and my all time favorite "It was probably because you needed to have a bowel movement".  Yes, that is right, a doctor once told me that when I lost vision temporarily in both eyes (lasted about 3-5 minutes)...that it happened because I need to go to the bathroom....Gesh!!

I had multiple small attacks that ranged from exhaustion, tripping over myself, phantom type pains (nothing was wrong, just weird sparked pains), tunnel vision to loss of vision...these are multiple SMALL things that happened over the course of ten years....so I really thought nothing of them.  Looking back, I wish I had been more pro-active about my healthcare.

My first real scare....came about a year and a half ago.......(to be continued)...

Honesty-Truly the Best Policy

I mean this post as no disrespect to anyone, I am just sad when people are not fully satisfied with their purchase.  I try to be as honest as possible.  I always notify people when I order something new, so they know it is not handmade.  Although, quite a bit on my site is handmade by me from select ties, capes, tutus, shirts (not all but some of them), bows, etc, sometimes I have to supplement my products with pre-made items so that I am not overwhelmed with orders (I also used to work with a few other shops on shirts to match tutus....although, I am now making them myself).  I know that some people are new and don't see those old posts, but I will always tell someone if I am asked....I just don't always think to immediately say "I did not make this".  I am an honest person, and I will NEVER purposefully deceive you. So please, if you are in doubt about anything I offer....ask first and you will get a a truthful answer.  But please keep in mind, I have four young children, so yes, some of my products are purchased in bulk and re-sold....but if you look around....there are very few to no sites that don't do the same thing and most of those mark up their items three to four times more than mine cost.  I, personally, would never tell you I made something that I did not.....I have had a boutique do that to me in the past and I was hurt and angry....so I would NEVER want to leave one of my customers feeling that way.  So my plea to you, if I ever make something you are not happy with OR receive something that is NOT what you anticipated, please let me know privately so we can work it out....and you can ask around, 99% of my customers KNOW that I go over and above to keep my friends/fans/family/customers happy!!  In return, I promise to always be honest and respectful to each of my customers past, present, and future!

I apologize.

Okay, so typically, I try to keep things to myself...but I am so bothered by the selfishness of people these days.  I work HARD, harder than most people with a regular 9 to 5 job.  Not only do I take care of the girls all day, cook, clean, do laundry, etc....I also have a MORE than full time business.  I probably put in 80+ hours a week MAKING most of these things 'by hand and maintaining the websites.  Most people think that doing this Baby Mine is a money maker....but it is NOT. It costs money to make money, and right now...every dime we make goes to paying the debt that starting this business accrued. My family struggles EVERYDAY to get by, but I started this in hopes that it would get better someday My husband works HARD, and works multiple hours of overtime a week just to keep us afloat.  So it really makes me sad and FRUSTRATED when people complain about my prices.  I really do NOT feel I overcharge for anything.  I look at other sites where people charge $14 and up for the same bows I make for $7-9(at MOST)....or legwarmers for $12 when mine are only $4-6.50.  Why must people feel the need to berate me for overcharging when I really am not.  I am only angry, because it makes me sad....sad to lose business, but I can't afford to give things away....if I could, I would.  I try giving things away, but people STILL complain...they don't like their prize or they don't want to pay shipping....it is DISHEARTENING.  Gives me cause to lose my WANT to be charitable. What happened to having a little respect or being kind to your neighbor.  In this day of living life vitrually, it seems that because we aren't face to face people don't feel the need to follow the basic things rules we all learned in Kindergarten.....The Golden Rule.

Big Eyes, Small Stomach

I am starting to wonder if I bit off more than I can chew......Seeing as this is ONLY my second post, but where the world am I supposed to start.  The last couple of weeks have been CRAZY...from garage sales, to baby mine, to raising four kids!!!  Sometimes, I seriously wonder if something may be wrong with me!!!

Well, since I started this...might as well TRY to keep the ball rolling.  (One thing you will learn, I am a STUBBORN person and I NEVER give-up).