Conquering My Fear

Man, was I shaking by the time 11am rolled around today.  Brenda, my nurse, called to say she was on her way.  The anticipation was grueling, to say the least.  I was flushed and sweaty while I waited for her to arrive.  Once she got here, she had LOTS of information to give me...but to be honest, I am not sure how much I actually retained as I stared at the MULTIPLE syringes in her lap.
Finally, the instructions and the warnings had all been given...and now it was the moment I had been dreading since my diagnosis on 07/14/2011.  "It's time to play," Brenda told me...."Play, really?!?! I can't remember playtime ever being so stressful!!," I thought to myself.  Brenda pulled out the syringes(filled with water...not my $3000.00 per month medication) and used a rubber ball to show me how to give a manual injection and one with my "auto-injector".  I tried to ask questions, tried to keep her talking...not because I HAD questions, but because I HAD to put off the inevitable, even just for a little while!!!
After an hour of constant talking, it was finally time.  I loaded my Copaxone into the auto-injector, laid back and held it to my belly.  I sat there for what seemed like an eternity...my husband staring at me, Brenda trying to be patient, and I was just sitting there as still as can be breathing VERY slow, deep breathes.  I knew there was no way out, this had to be done...if I wanted to stay healthy that is.  So, I went for it.....
Well, I am happy to say....My Mom was RIGHT!!  She told me that the needles were short and thin....and the really were!!  I couldn't even feel the needle, why in the heck was I so scared.....then two seconds later, I had the most intense burning pain throughout my belly.  Seriously, I have a high pain tolerance (not when it comes to needles, but in most cases)...and I was hurting!!!  It took about 2 hours for the pain to subside, and another hour before I felt better mentally.
Brenda warned me that it would burn....but I was thinking epidural burn, not fire burn!!  Oh well, we do what we do to survive and to maintain a good quality of life.  I know I can do this, I know it will be okay....I have so many reasons to do this ONE nasty thing everyday, and I just have to remember that and stay positive!!!