A Shock, but Not Surprised

Life was good and relatively healthy (despite a kidney stone....my first, and hopefully, my last)....until June. It was June 8th to be exact, when I realized something was wrong with my eye.  My first reaction was that it was a dirty contact.....but I just could NOT get it clean, no matter how frantically I washed them off!!  So, I decided that it was just lack of sleep (having four kids, no sleep is more common than actual sleeping).  So, come 10 pm,  off to bed I went.  And being the amazing husband he is, Jake allowed me to get a full night of rest.

I woke up the next morning and despite my optimism, my eye was even worse.  There was a dark cloud over the top half of my vision and the rest was blurry.  Now, I am as blind as a bat without my contacts....blurry is a regular occurrence.  It wasn't until I called my Mom that I started to worry.  She was concerned that my retina was detaching and made me promise to get it looked at.  Being the 9th of June (the day before The Salina Riverfest started), I knew I had to get in that day or not at all!!  Luckily, my Mom, being a teacher, offered to watch the girls.

Once I got to the actual optometrist, it was almost two hours of testing and saying my "E, P, D, etc".  Finally, my optometrist decided that he could not offer me and answer and brought in his partner.  By this time I knew something had to be internally wrong if they could not SEE anything wrong.  The partner re-tested me with all the same indications...although I use corrective lenses, I have 100% healthy eyes.

The physician sat down by me, and as sympathetically as possible, he told me that he had one more test.  If I failed this test, he would have to send me to a neurologist.  Well, low and behold, I failed.  He had taken a red cap from a solution bottle, and told me to tell him what color it was.  Of course, I answered red (did after all call it a "red cap test").  He then asked me to cover my right eye (the "sick" eye)...yep, the cap was still red.  So, he had me cover the left eye.....and wow...the cap was NOT red, instead it was a really deep, rich shade of burgundy. What the.....

Well, I failed.  The optometrist came back over to me, and told me that he really felt I would be best served elsewhere.  In his experience, the failure of a red cap test usually indicated "Optic Neuritis" and typically it Optic Neuritis is followed by a diagnosis of ...... "MS" I finished his sentence.

My Mother has MS, Multiple Sclerosis.  In layman's terms, MS is a disease where, put simply, the fatty tissue surrounding the nerves (called myelin) begins to deteriorate...Like the plastic surrounding a wire will wear over time due to weather and age.  MS manifests in so many ways, there is no ONE single standard of symptoms.  Most patients are diagnosed through MRIs which document the amount and placements of white matter lesions and their change over a period of time.

So, my regular family physician (knowing what I went through the previous year and having discussed with her that the previous hospital stay could have been related to MS and possible lesions on the brain), immediately scheduled an MRI for the next week.  Let me tell you, I HATE MRIs.  I am not normally claustrophobic, but that things make me CRAZY!!!  But, knowing it needed to be done....I did it!!

I followed up with my family physician, and she read me the report.  My heart sank, "prominence of demyelinating process now apparent".  She and I both knew what that meant and there was no more to discuss.  The appointment was set with a specialist, all in hopes of being given the positive diagnosis.

I knew right then and there....eventually, my diagnosis would be MS.  I think I always knew I would have it.  I started looking back and reading more into it....I definitely had signs many years ago :( On the other hand, I am scared BUT I am also optimistic.  I have an amazing role model in my Mother.  She has been battling this disease for years, she refuses to let it win and neither will I!!  She is the strongest woman I know.  I am blessed to have her to look to in this time, but also lucky to have husband who is just as supportive and caring.  I am lucky in more ways than I can express.  It SUCKS to know the diagnosis was coming, but I am lucky that despite the bad news....I have a good family to fall back on....My Husband, My Mother, My Sisters, My Brother, and so many other people that I know love me unconditionally!!

My Loving Husband, about 20 yrs ago!!

My side of the family, even Charlotte is hiding away in there :)